When Numbing Feels Like the Only Option: Understanding the Roots of Addiction
Addiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum. For many people struggling with substance use—whether alcohol, drugs, or other numbing behaviors—the substance itself is rarely the core problem. Instead, it’s often a misguided solution to deeper, unaddressed pain: a way to silence shame, numb overwhelming emotions, or temporarily escape the crushing weight of feeling not enough.
The Self-Worth Connection
At its heart, addiction frequently intertwines with fragile self-worth. When we don’t believe we’re capable of handling life’s challenges soberly—or worse, when we’ve internalised messages that we’re unworthy of a better way—substances step in as a counterfeit coping mechanism.
Psychologist Gabor Maté famously framed addiction not as a choice, but as a response to suffering: "It’s not ‘why the addiction?’ but ‘why the pain?’" For many, that pain stems from:
Childhood wounds (neglect, criticism, or emotional unavailability)
Unprocessed trauma (events too overwhelming to face without "help")
Chronic self-abandonment (prioritising others’ needs while ignoring your own)
Alcohol or other substances become a way to regulate when emotional tools feel out of reach. The tragedy? The very thing that "helps" in the short term erodes self-trust further, creating a vicious cycle.
The Myth of "Weakness"
Society often labels addiction as a moral failing or lack of willpower. But neuroscience tells a different story: repetitive substance use alters the brain’s reward system, making cravings feel as urgent as hunger. Combine that with unresolved psychological pain, and white-knuckling sobriety without addressing root causes (As well as the right sobriety program) is like trying to heal a broken leg by ignoring the fracture.
Real change requires compassion, not shame. It asks:
What is this behavior trying to protect me from?
What tools do I lack—and how can I learn them?
Who was I before I decided I needed this to survive?
Rebuilding the Toolkit
Healing begins when we start to replace numbing with feeling—and crucially, with the belief that we can tolerate those feelings. Therapy can help by:
Mapping triggers (e.g., loneliness, conflict, perfectionism) to identify patterns.
Developing emotional literacy to name and process pain instead of avoiding it.
Reparenting the inner self—learning to meet needs without substances.
This isn’t about "fixing" yourself. It’s about uncovering the strengths you already have but couldn’t see through the fog of addiction.
A Path Forward
If you’re reading this and recognising your own struggles, here’s what I want you to know:
You’re not broken. You adapted to survive, and those adaptations can be unlearned.
Healing isn’t linear. Relapses or setbacks don’t erase progress.
Asking for help isn’t surrender. It’s the bravest step you can take.
You deserve more than a life of temporary escapes. You deserve to meet yourself—and your pain—with curiosity instead of fear. And you can build a toolkit that doesn’t rely on numbing.
The first tool? Reaching out.