When Therapy Feels Like It’s Not Working: How to Find the Right Fit
Therapy should be a space where you feel heard, challenged, and understood—not dismissed or patronized. Yet for many people, especially those dealing with trauma, loss, or major life transitions, a bad therapy experience can leave them feeling more isolated than before. If you’ve ever sat in a session thinking, "This isn’t helping," or "I need to be pushed, not just comforted," you’re not alone.
Many clients come to therapy after past attempts fell short—whether because they weren’t challenged, felt judged, or couldn’t discuss painful or personal topics openly. Maybe you’ve been given overly simplistic advice about stress, or avoided bringing up certain experiences because you feared being misunderstood.
Therapy shouldn’t be like that. Here’s what to look for instead.
1. Sometimes You Need to Be Challenged—Not Just Comforted
Some therapists default to reassurance ("It’s okay to fail") when what you might need is someone to help you look at things differently. If you’re someone who processes ideas through discussion or tough questions, a therapist who never pushes back won’t help you grow.
What to seek: A therapist who asks "Why do you believe that?" or "What’s another way to look at this?"—not to argue, but to help you explore new perspectives.
Especially important for: Trauma (PTSD), guilt, or situations where you’re already self-critical.
2. Safe Spaces for Difficult Topics
Certain subjects—whether past trauma, relationships, or personal struggles—can feel risky to bring up in therapy. You might worry:
"Will they judge me for my past choices?"
"Can I talk openly about personal issues without feeling awkward?"
"Will my values or beliefs be respected?"
A good therapist won’t shy away from these conversations or impose their own views onto you.
3. Trauma Work That Actually Helps (Not Just ‘Coping Skills’)
If you struggle with PTSD, anxiety, or panic attacks, you might have been encouraged to “practice grounding” or told to "just breathe." While those tools can help in the moment, sometimes they’re not enough if your therapy ignores the deeper roots of your stress—whether it’s unresolved grief, isolation, or pressure from unmet expectations.
Look for: A therapist who helps you process trauma, not just manage symptoms.
4. No Judgment, No Assumptions
Therapy shouldn’t feel like you’re being assessed for "right" or "wrong" choices. Whether it’s:
Past experiences you still carry guilt or shame about,
Frustration over life not going as planned,
Or simply not wanting to be pitied or patronized,
…your therapist’s job is to help you make sense of your experiences—not to moralize them.
How My Approach is Different
In my practice, I focus on:
Active, collaborative dialogue: If you learn through discussion, we’ll lean into that.
No topic is off-limits: We’ll discuss what you need to, without judgment.
Trauma work that goes deeper: We’ll address the why behind your struggles, not just the how of coping.
Final Thought
If past therapy felt unhelpful, it might not be you—it might be the fit. You deserve a therapist who gets what you need: challenge, honesty, and space to untangle the hard stuff.